this one’s pulling teeth but I think I decided that I don’t care if it’s good, so I’m just going to write some shit until i run out of sunlight and then I’m gonna march into the woods.

Hi, I’m unhinged loser, river, the guy whose blog this is. I went to a show the other day and it was fine. I saw duster with my brother. A bunch of his friends were there, I only marginally embarrassed myself. It could have gone Much Worse. As it was, he apologized for making me go see that show in particular, because he agreed it was substandard. I guess the show itself was fine, the live sound guy was bad at his job, and the crowd was really bad. All tiktok kids. That made me sad because duster’s a band I’ve liked for a long time, but I guess they had some songs go viral on tiktok in the last few years so now it’s all 17 year olds bragging about how they ‘totally got my dad into collecting vinyls’ (sic).

I told my brother on the drive home, in a mostly joking, but only mostly, way, that I think God just made me for quiet solitude. This is not totally far off of my real suspicions regarding my raison d’etre (anime reference, not a philosophical statement). I don’t really like people that much, and that’s true for pretty much any reading of that statement you could make. I don’t like interacting with people. I don’t like the things people do when they all get together. I don’t like the things most people do. I don’t like the way people make me feel. Etc. If you can extract it from the statement, ‘I don’t like people,’ I probably agree.

Unstructured ranting because I just fucking have to.

I went outside, met a bunch of people, didn’t really feel that great about it, but I feel good about having done it. There are many things in my life that I would also describe thatly. I’m trying, after 26 years, to be a person. It’s hard I guess, but also it’s like, kinda the thing we’re all built for, so I’m trying not to overly dramatize going to a fucking concert.

I just wrote out a whole little thing about something I decided I am not going to put into the world yet because I want to avoid the catharsis of telling someone about something before I do it because then I won’t work as hard to do it because the act of bean-spilling itself already feels pretty good inside my skull. Suffice to say I have Big Plans. And I do also want to clarify that I’m not talking about anything diabolical or otherwise villainous. It’s a good thing for me and people and a bad thing for no one. And this is true in every frame of reference I can imagine, not just the one inside my skull. And I have an active imagination. Etc.

Maybe it’s best not to act so crazy on the internet? Who Cares.

Anyway, I spent a bunch of time writing about That Thing so now I have even less time to write something worth reading so I’m not going to. I’m going to make this just straight up shitty post because I have to just get this out of the way. I haven’t done any (real) writing for like two weeks because I’m like, ‘oh god what should I write for number 2? this one’s gotta be good, the first one wasn’t very good, I can’t just keep posting shitty pointless slop’. But I Can And Will Keep Posting Stream Of Consciousness Slop Until I’m Blue In The Face. There is no intellectual value contained herein. No one is ever going to read this one, but it doesn’t matter. I need to fill some fucking space. Instead of scrolling for 2 hours after breakfast and before I go out on my Daily Adventure, I did this. So that’s nice.

Godspeed. God bless. Hope you have a nice day, Guy That Read This. Something’s telling me there are going to be a lot of these, and a lot less ones Worth Reading. But that’s alright. Someday, when I’m a famous writer, someone will read all of this shitty blog and curate the good ones into a neat little paperback pocket edition for 22nd century tumblr girls to carry around in their future mailbags. Love you, 22nd century girl.