of a time when i will be super awesome and cool. this is me faking it till i make it. i’m writing a lovely little stupid ass journal/blog/thing because someday doing this will Finally make me happy!

Okay I’m not actually that mad. I’m partly just playing it up for the sake of being dramatic. But for real, one post a month is absolutely diabolical. I’ll make sure I get at least a few more out sooner rather than later. In fact, as I type this, I’ve currently got a small piece about my obsession with a certain obvious author marinating in the ‘Draft’s tab. So that’s nice and lovely and etc. It really is a lot more like pulling teeth than I ever really imagined. Writing, obviously. I think that my real problem is that it just isn’t habitual because I’m a devilish little fiend on the phone.

I just simply fucking LOVE scrolling through like 200 not-tiktoks at a time for three hours. It’s kinda difficult to get a handle on but I’m trying, slowly.

Life feels very strange right now. It’s like I’m simultaneously very busy and also not. I had a little touch and go moment with my workout routine, I missed a few days of cardio and somehow over the thanksgiving weekend I missed one day of lifting, so now my workout calendar is shifted one day. It’s not the end of the world but I was so close to getting a full screen of every other day like it was fucking clockwork, but I guess I’m just gonna have to start that particular little goal over.

In other news I bought a laptop. I’m writing on it right now, actually. I think that despite the tragically lackluster keyboard, I actually prefer this. I’m still sitting at my gamer station with all the screens around me, but having them off and sitting here in the dark with one tiny screen feels much nicer I think. And plus, this gives me the opportunity to write in places other than my gamer station. So that also rules very strongly. I have basically only the bare essentials on here, which I think is also gonna help keep focused for writing time. And school, which is the real main motivating factor behind getting another fucking device.

I’m going to take my GED tests soon. I’m gonna schedule one for Friday (currently Tuesday) and if that goes well, knock them down in order one at a time and God willing, rock up to Christmas dinner with degree in hand. And then the actual hard part of getting into college and doing college is where I’m going to have to really, really lock the fuck in. But that’s a ways down the road. Maybe I should talk to an academic advisor from RRCC sooner rather than later, also. You know, just to make sure that I can actually get some fuckin classes on the books for knocking down and out.

And honestly, very honestly, going back to school after almost a decade is very intimidating. I hadn’t really sat down and like confronted that thought until pretty much right now, and now that it’s hitting me I’m noticing that I’m very stressed about the idea. That probably means I need to spend more time ‘HoLdInG sPaCe WiTh iT’ huh? Oh well. I can meditate on that for the next few days, five minutes at a time. I guess that’s all I really have to say today. Hopefully now I have a more like physical presence I’ll remember to do this more. But maybe not, also.