Okay it isn’t really, but I did ask an AI for a writing prompt to get my juices flowing and it did a little bit, but I’m not really going to use the prompt it gave me at all. I’m going to write about something else, something much more exciting ?

I passed the first of my GED tests today. It may or may not come as a surprise to you, dear reader, that I did, in fact, drop out of high school. I don’t remember if I’ve gone into it before here or not. Doesn’t really matter, I’ll go over it here again because it’s something to write about.

I dropped out of high school my senior year. I was very, very depressed. That’s mostly the reason. I also, of course, have a cover story that I tell people that I respect so that they don’t think less of me for having been suicidally depressed as a young man. Well, that’s also a lie, isn’t it? I guess on some level I do do that to stop them thinking of me in that way, but I also do it to avoid having the conversation around being a suicidally depressed teenager with basically no suport network and no direction out of the deep, dark hole I’d spent the previous, say, six or so years digging myself into.

Partly because, honestly, it’s boring. Who wasn’t suicidally depressed when they were eighteen? I think literally every person I’ve talked to was at least very depressed at that age. It makes it seem so passe.

Anyway, the cover story I tell to the people in my life that I respect and trust enough to tell about having dropped out at all is that I was a bit depressed and also very obsessed with the videogame Counter-Strike, and wanted to go pro. That’s also not entirely false of course, I was spending almost all of my waking hours thinking about or playing Counter-Strike. The way I would put it, though, is not that I exactly wanted to play professionally, but rather that I thought it would be cool, but I had no idea what that really meant or would entail. I wasn’t so much working towards the goal as I was habitually playing the game and thinking it would be cool to make this into something I could make money doing somehow.

I did, eventually, parlay this obsession with gaming into something vaguely close to an esports career in a different game, but I’ll leave that a mystery for now because I’m not sure I’m ready to mingle these two parts of my life together as yet. I think I’ve a lot more maturing to do as a writer (blogger (ickynasty)) before I want all my gamer buddies to be reading about my deepest thoughts. Suffice to say, I did, eventually, make it. Albeit in a small way. But I did achieve the goals that I set out for myself from the beginning, and I did it a lot faster than I thought I was capable of. (The end of that sentence feels grammatically off, but I can’t place my finger on it.)

Remind me to go more into this stuff when I have more time. I don’t know why I always wait until the very end of the day, when I’m battling exhaustion, to sit down and make myself write for my biweekly (not twice weekly) incoherent written diarrhea that will be saved into perpetuity, presumably. I do so adore alliterations.

Anyway, I really did it. I finished the first of my GED tests. I took the RLA (Reasoning through Language Arts) test and passed with flying colors. I even scored high enough to receive college credit (possibly) which would actually save me a lot of money. So that rules pretty fucking hard. Going into the test I was very, very nervous. I think it’s possible that I haven’t taken a standardized test like that in ten years. I don’t remember when I took my ACTs, but it’s close. About halfway through I got very sick to my stomach and got very worried I was going to have to run from my desk to the bathroom, thus voiding my test results, but I kept it cool and collected the whole way through and cruised it.

I’m very proud of myself. Earlier this year, I set myself the goal of completing my GED before Thanksgiving, which obviously, if I’m only starting the tests now, is a goal that I missed, but if I can get them all in before Christmas, which I’m now pretty fucking confident of, then I’ll be a very happy duckling indeed. Then I can go to college and be like, ‘yo, how i get degree from schol?’

I don’t even know what I’m rambling about. I’m in a very good mood lately. A lot of stuff is looking up lately that I should talk about here, but it’s getting so late and I have to work tomorrow. So I’ll make a deal. I’m going to cut this one off here, but I’ll be back tomorrow after work to spill the tea on all the stuff I’m thinking about lately, and all the stuff that I’m feeling pretty darn good about lately. If I don’t, I give you, dear reader, permission to commit acts of battery against me until I sustain minor injuries. Fair? Fair. Ciao bella