I said a really mean thing today to a friend of mine. We were sitting in a burrito shop waiting an inordinate amount of time for our burritos, and talking about our futures. I have recently gone from being the most anti-college guy I know to seriously considering a graduate degree, and I told my friend this, and he asked me why.

I told him, “because I want to have intelligent conversations with people and none of my friends ever do” I immediately realized the way that that sounds and added, “no offense”

To which I think the only really reasonable reply is, “well some taken.”

I started a book club with some of my other friends and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier or looked forward to something more than that. We had our first meeting yesterday, on the first chapter of Thus Spoke Zarathustra. It was everything I have ever wanted out of life. Deep, meaningful, animated discussion about something that everybody is knowledgeable on and brings disagreements about. I don’t think that I’ve been happier from hanging out with friends before, ever. I will never not be a member of a serious book club ever again. It’s my favorite thing ever, period.

And so that’s what I told my friend about in the burrito shop, and he congratulated me and I think understand what I was talking about. He, and most of my friends, never really want to have like super deep discussions about anything. To put it in chess terms, we never play the match out. We always play through the opening and agree to a draw before we even get off-book.

So that’s what I’ve been thinking about, and I had a little bit of a brainwave on this because it speaks to the two things I care the most about: Trying Really Fucking Hard At Stuff and Constructing Arguments (I really missed out not joining debate club). And I realized that like, that’s the reason I’ve been kind of sick of all of my current friendships, because none of them really even contribute to either of those like aspects of myself, let alone both, especially recently.

So yeah, that’s kinda where my head’s at I guess.